The Mafia Wife: A Study in Radical Acceptance

The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Admittedly, my knowledge of the Mafia comes from movies like The Godfather and Goodfellas  (Okay, maybe a little from Married to the Mob and–although not strictly a Mafia movie–Scarface.  What can I say, I love Michelle Pfeiffer) as well as TV’s The Sopranos, along with a few “real stories” on the History Channel and what I could glean from the trials and tribulations of John Gotti.  However, my knowledge of wives comes from almost 70 years of being a female–single, married, divorced, living-with, loved–and all of those attendant trials and tribulations.  Joys, too.

        “Radical Acceptance” (RA) is a new concept for me, one about which I wouldn’t have known had it not been for a friend.  So I goodsearched it (let others google; each time I use Goodsearch instead, a penny goes to my chosen charity).  Radical Acceptance, Dear Reader, so you won’t have to use either G-string to find it, is just a new-millennial term for The Serenity Prayer, the backbone and sometime back-breaker of Alcoholics Anonymous.

       Radical Acceptance,  Alcoholics Anonymous, Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra, Scott Peck, Khalil Gibran, the Bible, The Qur’an, the Seth Material, Carlos Castaneda, and even–be still my beating high-heeled heart–Oprah, are all about the same thing–self-help (although AAers, I’m sure, would dispute that; they need a God, a doorknob, something other than themselves to get through life).

     So how does the Mafia Wife fit in here?  Consider:  A pretty young Italian woman grows up and falls in love with the neighborhood tough.  He’s handsome, he dresses impeccably, he drives a big shiny car, and he always has money to spend on her.  What’s not to love?  He proposes, they marry, he sets her up in a big house, and they have kids.  She shops at the best stores and owns at least one fur.  Every Christmas, Valentine’s Day, and Mother’s Day he plies her with kisses and jewels. He’s always there for the important times and he usually comes home every night unless his “business” demands his presence elsewhere.  It takes a while, sometimes a long while, because those jewels and furs and cars and houses and kids use up a lot of her time, but finally she realizes something is wrong.  There are more business meetings and fewer kisses.  She complains to some of the other wives.  They laugh.  She has finally discovered the secret of the Mafia Husband:  The Mafia Girlfriend.  Perhaps one, perhaps more.  The wives tell her about the other kind of business meetings that he has, and the apartment he rents in the next town; they all know about it because their husbands have done the same.

     Once the Mafia Wife discovers her husband’s secret life, does she leave?  She thinks about it, sure.  She’s jealous and angry and sad.  But leave?  After the tears and private rages, she decides there’s no reason, really, to leave.  Why should she?  She has a beautiful house, a big shiny car, lots of jewels and furs.  Her kids are well cared for.  And, he comes home most nights.  Finally, after many tears and much conversation with the other wives, she realizes there’s something at home that he needs, something he isn’t getting from the girlfriend.  Call it stability.  Call it security.  Hell, call it “home.”  The Mafia Husband may be a big man out in the real world, but in truth he’s just a little boy.  He needs to play.  He wants things to stay young and pretty even as he knows he himself is growing old.  He needs his home and his kids and his wife.  All the rest is glitter.  So the Mafia Wife sighs, perhaps more than once, then chooses the Mafia Life.  His life.  Her life.  Stability.  Security.  Home.

     Some would say she is wrong to stay.  Stupid to play second fiddle.  She should get rid of him,  take him for everything he’s worth.  I say she has chosen wisely.  Aside from the fact that, should he discover her plan he might just decide to get rid of her first, and in a more permanent way (we are talking about the Mafia, after all ), she has everything she needs for a good life.  At least for now.  To those of you who ask, but what about sex?  Doesn’t that count for anything?  Of course it does.  And to those of you who ask, I say there’s a great massaging vibrator you can buy on amazon.com.  Beats the Mafia Husband every time.  Hands down.

(Although known most widely in its abbreviated form, the entire Serenity Prayer reads as follows…)

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.