The Good Wife: A Study in Radical Non-Acceptance

The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.

My knowledge of The Good Wife, as with my knowledge of the Mafia Wife (see my last post), comes from the eponymous TV series now enjoying widespread popularity as well as from those many long years of being a female–single, married, divorced, living-with, loved–and all of those attendant trials and tribulations.  (But joys, too.)

Radical Non-Acceptance is my second take on that relatively new sociological construct called Radical Acceptance.  Either can be used as a new-millennial term for The Serenity Prayer, the backbone and sometime back-breaker of Alcoholics Anonymous. However, in this version, the Good Wife has her husband’s infidelities flung at her publicly.

Unlike the Mafia Wife, who has accepted that things won’t change, the Good Wife accepts nothing. She may or may not have realized for a while that something was wrong. Good Husband may be very adept at leading two separate lives, and the only reason she finally discovers the Other Woman (or Women) is because some sneak from TMZ or another similarly trashy TV station/web site has sniffed out the story. She doesn’t find out about the Other Woman by complaining to other wives –either they’re also Good (and, by definition, as unknowing as she) or they’re blessed with a Faithful Husband.

Perhaps there is something at home that the Good Husband needs, something he isn’t getting from the Other Woman. Call it stability. Call it security. Hell, call it “home.” The Good Husband may be a big man out in the real world, but in truth he’s just a little boy. He needs to play. He wants things to stay young and pretty even as he knows he himself is growing old. He needs his home and his kids and his wife. All the rest is glitter.

The Good Wife realizes this. So, once she discovers her husband’s secret life, does she leave? She thinks about it, sure. She’s jealous and angry and sad. But leave? Hell, yes. With the tears and private rages, she has undergone a change. But even more, she realizes that she also needs stability and security and a real home where there’s a Real Man who will love her and be faithful to her. So the Good Wife sighs, but only once. Then quietly, slowly, and deliberately, she begins to plan her new life alone.

This is where the courage of The Serenity Prayer comes in. It will probably take her a while to get things ready, to decide where to go and how to get there, to save enough money. A good plan takes courage, patience, and time. She may want to leave immediately. She may not even want to be in the same room with him. But she bides her time, makes her plans, saves her money. And one day she will be ready to leave the House of Lies for a new life.

Some would say she is wrong to leave. Stupid to let the Other Woman win, to let the Good Husband get the spoils. But she knows that’s all it is–the spoils. I say she has chosen wisely. She doesn’t need to take him for everything he’s worth. Even though she may wish she knew a Mafia Wife whose Mafia Husband could take out her Good Husband, she takes the high road.

There are those of you who ask, but what about sex? Doesn’t that count for anything? And to those of you who ask, I say of course it does. To those who ask, I say there’s a great massaging vibrator you can buy on amazon.com. Beats the Good Husband every time. Hands down.

(Although known most widely in its abbreviated form, the entire Serenity Prayer reads as follows…)

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
the courage to change the things I can;
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

And to those of you who may or may not ask, I say the entire second half of the Serenity Prayer sucks. That part about “trusting that He will make things right if I surrender to His Will” was obviously written by a man. Probably a Good Husband. The first part, the one everyone knows whether they heard it in AA or not, was probably chosen by a woman. Probably a finally wise and serene Good Wife.

Stay tuned for the third installment in my Wives Tales, The Political Wife, coming to this blog soon.